For those of you who follow me on social media, you know my son (who is also my oldest child) is a high school senior and getting ready to go to college. Exactly a year ago, we visited several schools over his spring break, officially marking the beginning of his college application experience. At the end of this past March, it came to an end, with him committing to Duke University. Sounds amazing, right? I am not going to lie and say we aren’t thrilled - things ended up exactly how he wanted them to. However, the experience of applying, waiting and opening up each decision was like none other. What we initially predicted was far from the final result. How could we not have any idea which schools would want to welcome our son onto their campus? What is the secret sauce to getting into America’s top schools? I like to tell people it’s all a “game.”

What is “The Game?” The Game is the title I use to describe the American college application and admissions process. As much as I’d like to still believe that in this country you can be and do anything you want just by working hard, challenging yourself and doing your best, I learned this past year that in at least one instance, that is just not completely true. Yes, you have to graduate from high school to attend college, and yes, there is an application process in place, but that is where the simplicity of the situation ends. That’s not to say hard work, academic rigor and years of extra-curricular activities holds no weight; in fact, it’s just the contrary. But, rather than the best and brightest students getting into the most prestigious universities, there are some unwritten and not commonly known rules of the game. 

That’s right, college admissions is a game where only those on the admissions committees know the rules. To further complicate the game, not every school or admissions committee plays by the same rules (and that’s perfectly okay). One rule is that each school makes its own rules, known by only those in that so-called “room where it happens.” (thanks Hamilton). 

Students earn the right to play through their transcripts, test scores and activities. Academic and extracurricular merit means students can apply to more competitive schools, more selective schools, more prestigious schools, if you will. In other words, achievement is the price students pay to participate in the game. Once they’ve declared themselves “players” (by applying), they no longer control their fate. Much like pieces in a game of chess, outside forces create the strategy to curate the perfect blend of students in each class, and control where each player fits. Some are knocked off of the board (rejected), others win (accepted) and some remain in limbo (defer / wait list). It’s possible to win multiple times, or not at all, or everything in between. The reality is that the result of the game is 100% out of the player’s control. The only thing the player can control is earning the right to play the game. To add further confusion, the rules and the games change each year, making it nearly impossible to crack the code.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is this: your child has worked hard to earn the right to play the game. Let him or her play at their own risk. After all, they are the ones living with the results. Most of the time, the game ends up exactly as it should, even when someone feels they lost. Thousands of high school seniors play this game every year and so far, it continues on to the next group of students. The game may be broken, but it’s not going anywhere. So keep encouraging your children to work hard and let them play their hand, or round (or insert whatever game of chance you like). I can only hope that they emerge victorious.